Cunning and Baffling

It was Fall of 2022. I would spend two days making efforts to get a young woman into drug treatment for fentanyl addiction.  It began with an urgent text stating simply, “please come get me.”

I know that numerous attempts at sobriety are typical. This would be her fifth or sixth attempt.  I also know that for a relapsing addict,  a return to a previous “safe” dose can be fatal. Over the course of two days, I listen to the myriads of mind-boggling excuses and conditions from someone who, herself, cried out to be saved.  For the next week, the lives of numerous extended family members are upended.

Ultimately, weeks later, she is rushed to the ER, admitted and given a slow drip of Narcan so that her heart does not stop beating.

Like some of you, I have seen the profound damage of addiction.  As a family law practitioner, I have had a front row seat to the devastation of the family disease of addiction. And I have witnessed the unintended failures of an uninformed judiciary.

I have videos of a father falling out of his car, and stumbling to the home where his children wait for a visit.  His brain, “wet” with alcohol,  even though he was previously sentenced to attend a year of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.  His probation officer admitted all of their check-ins were via Zoom. The judge in his divorce matter failed to appoint a Guardian ad Litem, insisting that the lawyers, somehow, settle the matter.   

In another matter, a parent was so profoundly alcoholic that his children routinely witnessed his seizures.  Ultimately, he was accompanied on a flight to a rehab facility with a handler who could “dose” him with sufficient alcohol to prevent his withdrawal seizures and get him to treatment.  After 30 days in treatment, he relapsed after a week.

I divorced a close family friend, who waged a noble fight to save her husband, until, one day, she realized her home would be taken in foreclosure. Only then was the depth of the deception realized.

The disease of addiction does not discriminate in its targets, and we lawyers should, by now, be well aware of the risk we face as anxious, depressed and overwhelmed professionals.  Last Spring, I bumped into an old classmate at a fundraising event. I asked if he still had contact with another mutual classmate. “It’s a sad story, Irene.  His office is on a barstool in the afternoon.”

The stories are endless, horrific and soul crushing.

 I have come to believe that the disease of addiction is the most pervasive disease of our time. I also believe it is the most misunderstood.  

 Addiction has many forms, but likely the most devastating are alcoholism and drug addiction.  These two horsemen of the apocalypse often present as the final gift to those who have sufficiently sedated their prolonged struggle with anxiety and depression.  

It gets more complicated.

Addiction is the only disease that requires the afflicted to admit to their diagnosis.  Consider that for a moment and we begin to understand the “cunning and baffling” part of the description of addiction.  It is a mental disorder and a disease that is complex and requires constant supervision and adherence to a program of sobriety.  Sadly, it is also a “family disease” where, left untreated, entire generations assume and repeat dysfunctional roles in attempting to accommodate the addict.

It is supremely sanctimonious, wrong and useless to assume that an addict can just stop their disastrous conduct.

My nephew has over forty years of sobriety.  He has explained,   “While I am inside, attending a 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, my addiction is outside in the parking lot doing push-ups.”

It took me a long time to understand this. We as lawyers dedicate considerable time to “fixing” things for our clients or solving problems.  My perspective as a fixer of things made it hard to comprehend why this too could not be “fixed.”  Simply stated, the addict must “want” to be treated. Court ordered AA meeting often are a drive through signatures on an attendance slip with no real impact on lasting sobriety.  

We need to understand the depth of this issue if we are going to be more effective, and if some of us ourselves are to be saved.

I am thrilled to see CMBA Board President Matthew Besser’s focus on mental health.

I would be willing to bet that, after the medical and social work professions, lawyers come into contact with addiction with significant frequency.  We witness its destructive impact in our client matters.  Perhaps we believe it is beyond the scope of our representation duties.   Yet, we know that, statistically, one in three of us abuses alcohol, one in five struggles with alcohol use disorder, 28% struggle with depression and 19% with anxiety.   In my son’s first year law school orientation, he was informed that 30% of his incoming class would be clinically depressed by the end of the first year.  While that seemed like an exaggeration to me, I know it is not. 

We need to acknowledge that, like protective gear on laborers, and guards on dangerous machinery, mental health awareness and support is essential to the wellbeing of our members, but also to their impact on judicial resolutions, legislation and insightful resolutions.  In my notoriously risk averse profession, we cannot simply bury our heads and conclude this knowledge, or awareness is “beyond the scope of my professional duties.”  

We are overdue in rethinking our continuing education requirements, as well as required course work in our law schools.  We are not widget makers, installers and masters of the billable hour. We interface with humans in deep need and we ourselves experience tremendous risk of personal mental health struggles.

The essence of understanding is to try to meet someone exactly where they are. To understand how they got there, and significantly, how to recover.  We can do better, for our clients, for our cases, and for one another.

Here are a few easy suggestions. 

If you have a client or family member who may be struggling, it’s time to educate yourself.  If you have ever wondered whether you have an alcohol issue, take the next step to peace.  You don’t need to label yourself, or admit to anything. 

1. Download the free Meeting Guide App from AA World Services. It has a full list of searchable meetings, and look for the OPEN meetings. These allow all of us to attend and learn.  Find a meeting, go in, sit down and listen. You don’t need to say a word.  Just listen with open ears. You will learn about what it takes and the courage of AA members. You may find a message that is just right for you.  No stigma, just some good, humble information. 

2. Volunteer.  New Life Serenity Center is a 501(c)(3) organization, dedicated to empowering women in recovery. Find them at newlifeserenity.org.  

3. Email me:   irene@rennillo.com. 

 Irene A. Rennillo J.D. 1983

Published in Cleveland Metropolitan Bar Association March/April Issue